??

Gosh, so many things are just ridiculous in my life right now. Many changes are in the very near future for me. It is all scary one, because I say I know what I want to do, but the truth is I have no clue. I do plan on going to school and becoming a nurse because I know that it is something that I will do great at. I like to think of myself as a very caring person and believe that I am picking the right profession. That is not what is bothering me so much. I feel so confused with so much in my life. I truly am starting to believe that I am destined to be on my own for the rest of my life. I have actually gotten used to doing things alone, and somewhat enjoy it. I feel like the right way of thinking is that I need to be getting ready to settle down, have a family etc...Well, for me thats just not the case. For one, I havent been able to keep a stable relationship well, ever. Im great at starting them and keeping someone interested but then it just changes, and usually its me that changes. I cant help it I just do. Either that, or I pick relationships where I'm absolutely miserable and choose to stay in them because at least miserable is a feeling and "feeling" something is better then feeling nothing. The relationship that I was in off and on the last 2 years is a perfect example. One, I was never really happy with it. This person was able to see that and fed off of it. He enjoyed using all of my weaknesses to his advantage. He was so great at pointing out my every flaw and every mistake and using it against me. He knew what got to me and would throw it in my face any chance he got. Then would turn around and apologize for it all... and I was that stereotypical freaking girl who fell for the crap EVERYTIME! Well I finally realized that I dont need to be in a relationship to be happy and that in all actuallity relationships are what were making me unhappy. Well thats where I'm at now in life. I am starting to think that I'm just not relationship material. I suck with talking about my feelings, in fact I hate talking about them! I love being able to be completely selfish all the time. I only have myself to please... uhhhh I dont know, its sad really because I think what I'm doing is trying to justify to myself why I choose not to be happy. God, Im a freaking mess.. Therapy, maybe I should start seeing her more than once a week.. HAHA

ughhh I need to do something with myself.. Just dont know what quite yet..

alright enough of this... I should really be trying to sleep.. but that seems almost impossible now a days

friends!!

CHRISTINA IS VISITING FOR THE WEEKEND...!!!! YAY

: )

flea market!!

Going out with friends today.... Going to a flea market in Tacoma. I think just about everyone that i work with is going. It should be a good time. I HOPE....

Its a beautiful day outside!! Hope to spend some time out in it also!! ok... thats my blog for the day i guess.....

..................ughhh.....

Happy Birthday to me...

my hallelujah song

Look at me,

can't believe
I finally made it here
Feeling like I'm where I belong
Singing my hallelujah song

Hard to find, took some time
But I think that I might be hittin'
On what's been missing all along
Singing my hallelujah song

It's a highway sliding through a Sunday afternoon
It's a snapshot smiling like we ain't got nothing to lose
It's the peace in knowing that love is gonna be gone someday
But you only get more when you give it away
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Hard to find, took some time
But I never was by myself
There were angels helping all along
Singing my hallelujah song

My hallelujah
My hallelujah
Singing my hallelujah song